For those of you just tuning in, I got hurt last Thursday night. Unfortunately, it happened in the most uninspired way possible. It was not during heroic act like saving a starving orphan from a rabid bear, or carrying said orphan to safety. Heck, it wasn’t even a normal injury from a car wreck, a bad fall down the stairs or something of that ilk. Instead, I injured myself by swinging at a ball in a simple, slow pitch church softball game. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. “How could you get hurt doing something that easy???” Well, I was trying to aim a ball to take advantage of a weak right fielder. To do so, I dropped my shoulder mid swing causing my right knee to twist awkwardly and my patella (kneecap) to totally dislocate. After it happened, I crumpled to the ground in pain. The game stopped and everyone huddled around me. It was kind of a surreal moment and as the pain lessened to a point where I could focus, I found myself in a role that I was not used to inhabiting. Suddenly, I was no longer a healthy, vigorous 29 year-old. Rather, I was broken wreck. Someone that deserved pity and needed to be put back together. But hey, I did get a base hit out of the deal, so there is that.
This is
undoubtedly a “no duh” comment for many of you all out there, but lying there I
discovered that sick people are treated much differently than others. Say it
with me now. NO DUH! This is common sense notion! Of course, I knew this
beforehand from dealing with my wife’s chronic pain issues. I even knew
it in an academic sense as I had written a paper on the Structural-Functional
Theory of Sociology’s definition of the “sick role” in college. Nevertheless,
there is something to be said for personal experience that teaches you the real
differences between roles. Before this, I had never been hurt badly. . . ever!
I was one of those people who had never broken a bone, never had a serious
illness and never set foot in an Emergency Room for anything! So lying there
and realizing these things were in my future was quite a shock. And hearing subsequent comments like “how can
we help?” or assurances that “it will be okay” were totally new for me. As were
dealing with professional caregivers at the hospital and surgeon’s offices.
It’s interesting really. As a
pastor, I am often called upon to be a “first responder” for health issues. As
such, I commonly work alongside doctors in mending sick patients (albeit spiritually
and with God’s guidance). Yet I had never truly known the perspective of the
people I was ministering to. Now after the events of the past five days, that
has changed in a very big way. I have taken a lot metaphorical lumps and felt
called to help others who might be as naïve as I was. So, I would like to relate the
biggest lessons I have learned, which I hope will help those novice care givers out there.
Again, many of these will be “no duh” elements for some of you, but I am hoping
that others can learn to become more
Christ-like in your care. I know these elements will certainly affect how I
visit people in the future, so, here is what I have learned:
1.
Do not try to glorify or make the injury/sickness
sound positive- Right after I hit
the ground in the batter’s box, the opposition’s pitcher raced up to me. After
determining that my injury was serious, he said “Well, just look at it this
way. At least you get to look like a badass in a cast and braces.” That comment
made me want to beat the man with the cast I was going to be getting. Now, I
know he wasn’t being malicious. Comments like that are never meant to be
harmful. Instead, we tell people these things to inspire hope and make them
feel better. However, all this comment, and other subsequent claims that “I
would be okay,” did for me was illustrate how bad off I was, and the long road
of healing I needed to travel. It would have been more help if he had merely expressed
condolences and told me that he was supporting me. That would have been far more preferable
because it would have relayed presence and connection in the moment instead of a
superficial and potentially false hope for the future.
2.
Attitude conveys A LOT- I have dealt with a lot of medical personnel
in the past week. And let me tell you, how they handle themselves says a lot to
the patient. There were some who were overly cold or professional. People for
whom I was just another face in the crowd; another problem to be solved. Then
there were people who saw me as a person, who asked how I was feeling and
expressed sympathy in both word and action. These were the people who helped
the most. Before this, I never realized how much a smile, or a mere show of
empathy can matter to someone who is starved for hope. I think Rev. John
Ortberg said it best when he wrote “the simple act of reassurance from another
human being [becomes] a tool of the Spirit to cast out fear -- because peace
and fear are both contagious.” Still, I am guessing this is something you don’t
want to overdo as an overly happy/cheerful caregiver would be just as
aggravating (see Proverbs 25:20).
3.
Small expressions speak volumes- Growing
up, I was always signing get well cards for various people in the hospital. I
thought it was a very shallow act. After all, what was one small expression
among a large pile of cards, teddy bears, flowers, etc.? Now, I can easily say that every little bit
of support helps. . . a lot. Each card represents someone who cares. Someone
who is willing to support you as you get better. That kind of support CANNOT BE
UNDERESTIMATED. Knowing that other people are with you is invaluable. In fact,
it wouldn’t surprise me if it sometimes made the difference between life and
death.
4.
God is Good, in so many ways- I
firmly believe that Holy Spirit appears to us every day, most often in the
actions of other people. The Bible tells us that God is a Healer, a Deity who “heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds” (Psalm 147:3 NLT), and I got to see that
at work through the actions of the medical personnel. It was amazing to
see the things that Doctors can do nowadays and how the Holy Spirit is spurring
creativity and energy in new treatments. This holy partnership is amazing. It
is awesome to see God working with people to heal others and promote better
lives for all God’s children.
I
hope this helps some of you out there. And please let me express my
appreciation for the multiple expressions of kindness I have gotten in the past
few days. I have learned a lot during this time and I am excited to use it in
the days ahead. I pray that God blesses you all and that the Holy Spirit can help
you all learn from the darkest of experiences, so you can help make the Light that
much brighter when it dawns.
