As I write this, I am in sitting in
a proverbial modern day desert. It is scary place to be, let me tell you. For
although I have ample food, water and shelter; I am in a place where there is.
. . wait for it. . . NO WIRELESS INTERNET OR STEADY CELL PHONE RECEPTION
[insert dramatic music and panicked screaming here]!!!
I know, I know, these are total
first world problems. But sadly they
feel serious because of how conditioned I am to having access to them. So where
am I that is so far from modern conveniences? Well, I am currently somewhere outside
the town of Golden, Colorado at the Mother Cabrini Shrine and Retreat Center.
Outside my window, the City of Denver is going calmly about its business and
its people are undoubtedly enjoying the technological advantages I no longer
have. It is a bit maddening to be sure. My smartphone is sitting right beside
me on the table, and all I want to do is use it to check my email to make sure
worship is okay for tomorrow. But can I do this? Nooooooo! The signal up here
fluctuates too wildly causing my droid to freeze up when trying to access the
net. It’s so bad that the hunk of junk is basically useless, except to call
people, but who does that anymore?
As to why I am here, or to be more exact, why
I am required to be here. This weekend is one of two yearly Residents in
Ministry (RIM) retreats that I must attend to be ordained as an Elder in the
United Methodist Church. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this
course, RIM is kind of like a residency group for doctors in a hospital.
Essentially, I am spending these three days meeting with other provisional
pastors in the process, checking in about the state of our ministry and
attending topical breakout sessions to improve it. It is not bad idea in
concept, but it always seems a major pain to extricate myself to from my life
to attend these sessions. There is always so much going on in my two churches that
dropping my life to come is very difficult. This is particularly true if I cannot
even connect with home using the internet, which I don’t have right now.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Bryson smash!
My view of Denver from the Cabrini Shrine
Yes, not having my technology to
rely on has been a real pain. Yet, it has also helped me relearn a very valuable
lesion; a nice silver lining to not having technology as it were. Since I don’t
have any way to connect with my to-do list or gmail, when I get free time after
a session or lesson, I end up really
having free time. Somehow, I always forget what this feels like. So when it
happened this morning, I sat there in shock. I realized I WAS FREE! I HAD
NOTHING TO DO! So I decided to take a leisurely walk throughout the Cabrini
property, marveling at the breathtaking views of the mountains and city below. Normally,
I would just keep walking to wherever I was supposed to be next. However, it
suddenly hit me that I didn’t have to be anywhere. I could just stand
there with the cloudless sapphire blue sky above me, the beauty of the
mountains surrounding me and the amazing view of Denver in front of me. There
was nothing keeping me from fully experiencing the moment. I could just be. So
I stopped and drank it in, thanking God for the wonders I was experiencing. As I did so, I felt a very profound tranquility
welling up inside me. I have not sensed this feeling a long, long time. And knowing that was enough
to bring me to tears. A mentor of mine once told me that we ruin these moments
by acting or speaking, so I stood there and let the Holy Spirit move around me.
It was transcendent. At some point, Be Still my Soul began playing in my
mind, perfecting and ushering that sacred time to a close. Despite hearing this
hymn a hundred times before, I think today was the first time I truly
understood it’s meaning:
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and
provide; in every change, he faithful will remain. Be still, my soul; thy best,
they heavenly friend, through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
God had
reminded me about that joyful end during this moment, which I know will energize
me when I am forced to get reenter the world. Unfortunately, it is already
trying to happen as I am getting irritated looking at the lacking 3G signal on
my phone and the little red x on my laptop screen where my internet bars should
be. These things are threatening my earlier moment, trying to get me to
relapse. But that doesn’t need to happen just yet. I still have time to seek
the “peace that passes understanding” that found me today. So, after this both
laptop and phone are getting turned off for the rest of the weekend, or until I
get a real signal anyway
Are you like me in this? Do you find yourself yearning to
get away from the beck and call of your calendar, computer or job? If you are,
God’s peace is everywhere, beckoning us to take a break from the rat race and
live into it during one perfect, serene moment. As a fellow traveler racing at
breakneck speed, I totally recommend trying to find such a time, because it
always helps you to remember what we are living for. I hope you find one soon
and that you are well my friends. Take care
